I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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