I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize