She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize