Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize