I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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