You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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