Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
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Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
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I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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