who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize