so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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