just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize