i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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My vagina just recognized that song.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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