Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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