just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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