I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize