listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize