...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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