I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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