the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize