I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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