I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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