My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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