How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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