every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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