that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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