this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize