Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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