it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize