that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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