You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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