i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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