i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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