your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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