I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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