i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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