Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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