I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize