Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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