I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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