11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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