Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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