end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize