Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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