maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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