hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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