Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this boner is exhausting
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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