That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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