Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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