I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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