Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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