I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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